Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize