You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Boobs are out for the taking
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
