so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
