Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
