Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
