I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
