Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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