I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
