batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
