That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
