Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
