After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
