I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
