Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
