Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
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