Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
