I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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