Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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