Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
the raccoons are back...
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