I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
