People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
