fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
