Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
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Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
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I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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