She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She even gives head with a lisp.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
