Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
