Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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