dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
