Joe is yelling at the trees again.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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