I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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