My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
