Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
