you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
