we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
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I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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