Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
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