who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
