Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
