My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
