I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
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