I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
