What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
