I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
