i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
