Pappa wants mamma naked
I didn't shave. On purpose
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
