guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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