Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
