Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I think weed is turning my hair brown
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
