If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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