I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
