...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
