i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
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