I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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