i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Randomize
