similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
