I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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