Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
