I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
