Ambien. No doubt about it.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
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