i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
