I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
