they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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