She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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