youre lurking in front of me
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
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She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
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Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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