I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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