help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
