But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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