If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
