oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
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You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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