no one should ever give us hovercrafts
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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