Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
