Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
