ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
