hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
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four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
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I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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