would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
