just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
