He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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